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Plane troubles

It's spring break.

The Florida sun scorched my VERY ivory skin, and I can't really blame anything except that darn SPF4. rookie mistake.

However the vacation much too quickly came to an end, tears were shed, and I had to shift gears from spoiled sunny days to the winter hell that is Iowa.

As I boarded my flight to come back to the tundra, I had a few difficulties. Lets start with the fact that I had sun poisoning radiating on my chest. So lets take a moment to visualize my bright red chest, being iced by none other than a Starbucks iced tea. logically.

So I step onto the plane, and notice that every carry-on compartment above my seat is filled to the brim .. along with the next 5 rows behind my seat. K cool, lemme just put my stuff in the back of the plane. Supa convenient. Anyway,I'm in seat A. Perf, i love the window seat. However there was a middle aged woman sitting in seat C. No problem, I'll just ask if I can slide in and move along with my day.

Well the lady just looks at me and goes, "Oh you can just squeeze through can't ya?"

Is she insane? This is an airplane. There is absolutely zero room for any sort of activity, let alone movement.

K. Well she's still staring at me.

So logically I just look at her and say the only thing I can come up with, "Alright, well I'm just gonna straddle ya real quick," yeah because that's not moronic. The entire back half of the plane began to laugh, because they all heard those words leave my mouth. They also continued to laugh as I began to straddle this woman, my breasts literally hitting her nose. It took a full minute before I finally fell, yes i fell, into my seat.

Alright shows over i thought, everybody be cool, it's just a normal day. Wrong. The lady in seat A then jumps up in a panic for her carry-on. She shuffles around for a bit and finally sits back down, gripping a neon orange and green can. She looks at us and goes, "No one ever thinks to bring this on a plane. But I always keep my handy, ya just never know!"

It's a freaking gas mask.

I'M LITERALLY SITTING NEXT TO THE COLONIAL WOMAN ON THE WING (see what i did there?)

SO the flight from hell finally ends and we're still stuck on the plane due to our carry-on fiasco. After about 10 minutes a man finally helps us out and tosses our bags over. How kind!

except my stuff fell out and i proceeded to stall the line.

Happy spring everyone!

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