Feels like a three year hiatus is long enough...
Full disclosure, I had to literally google search my own blog name because I couldn't remember the correct full name, but here we are. What's meant to be will always find its way back to you (or you know, just google it).
The last three years, for most of us I can assume, have been... challenging. Life straight up came to an abrupt stop. We were fighting for rolls of toilet paper in the aisles of grocery stores while simultaneously trying to maintain six feet of distance from anyone not in our direct social circle. We were inundated with words like, "unprecedented", "mandate", "social distancing". We were forced to do things that made us feel almost alien. PPE became springs latest fashion accessory, Joe Exotic was a household name, hugging your loved ones was controversial, and suddenly your kitchen became your office? Weddings were attended via zoom in sweatpants (not to mention rescheduled a thousand and two times), grandparents met their first grandchildren through windows, and we said our final goodbyes to our loved ones in silence. It's hard not to get emotional writing these scenarios out, reliving the most isolated moments of our life will never not be a deep trigger.
In the last three years a lot has happened. I moved to a whole new city, survived a pandemic, lost my job due to said pandemic, accidentally started a sewing business, started not one but two new jobs, traveled all over the country to celebrate bachelorettes, weddings, and family. I became "Aunt Erin" to my sweet niece, Clayton and I moved to three different homes, destroyed countless wedding dance floors, explored STL with Lennon, adopted another (wildly naughty) corgi and listened to an absurd amount of Jack Harlow (so much so that I named my dog after him).
When I sit here and write it all out, "a lot" feels like an understatement. The last three years feel like the sharpest double edged sword - as I feel like I've lived both a whole lifetime while simultaneously it went by in the blink of an eye, like did it even happen? I think collectively, as a society and as a human race, we experienced something none of us knew how to properly handle. Maybe that's why we kept hearing the buzzword of 2020, "unprecedented", because it was just that - unprecedented. The year 2020 felt apocalyptic, cold, lonely and isolated - and everything as we knew it, changed. Looking back on life B.C. (before Covid), makes me question if we ever knew how to wash our hands? Did we know what spacial awareness was? Did we ever wipe down fitness equipment?! When I think about it, three years doesn't *seem* like that long, but when I look into the mirror I see it. I feel it. The weight of the last three years is with me, and I'm not sure it will ever truly "go back", because ultimately B.C. was a different version of me, a different version of US as a whole. The last three years I have learned a lot about myself, and about the way the world works as a whole. I learned that I am resilient and even when I am faced with obstacles and challenges I can find a way to pivot, to be creative, that I can forge my own path. I learned to stand up for myself, face the things that scare me, and to fight for what is right. Having hard conversations (either in your personal life or at work) is uncomfortable, but they're necessary. When something isn't right, you have to advocate for yourself - because if you don't, no one else will. My whole life, I've given unabridged trust to every single person I meet. I know, I know - it's wild, but I do. I want to assume the best in everyone, and that no one has ill-intentions or malice or would do anything to be intentionally deceitful. Here's the thing: not everyone is a good human, and accepting that reality is hard for me - but it's helped me realize that when I ask questions, or stand up for myself - it's not rude, it's necessary. When I lost my job, I wouldn't have received any unemployment if I didn't push for follow up or demand answers. I had to fight for months and maneuver various avenues, but I didn't give up. I would have had to pay a fine for a parking ticket that was not just if I hadn't inquired, showed evidence, and stood up for myself. In the long run it seems silly, right? I get it - just pay the ticket. But it's the principle of it - I learned to step up, stand up for myself and not let the system (or anyone for that matter) take advantage of me. For maybe the first time in my life, I feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations - because I know my value, my worth and what it means to respectfully demand more than the bare minimum. Maybe it's as small as a parking ticket, or maybe it's as big as taking on the government - I know I can't be afraid to advocate for myself. I definitely can't be made to feel small. So I will continue to go out there, create space for myself, be loud, be opinionated (but respectful), and stand taller for the things I am passionate about.
Somewhere in the purgatory of the last three years, I turned 30. A milestone that once seemed so far away is suddenly here. 30?! I hardly feel like an adult, and 30 seems like full blown adult. It's hard not to compare yourself to your peers, especially at this age. I have friends who have babies (plural!?), who are pregnant (intentionally!?), and settled into their homes (not rented?!). I have friends that are massively successful and absolutely crushing it in their careers, invest in the stock market, and take the time to travel all over the world. Meanwhile, I can barely cook a dinner and I haven't made a doctors appointment in...a while. Although it's hard sometimes, to not compare, it's a lot easier to cheer your friends on and celebrate your their success and champion them in their individual endeavors. We get to pick our friends, we get the opportunity to surround ourselves with people we love - people who inspire us, people who make us laugh, people who will stop everything to come and hold us together when we feel like falling apart. We get to PICK them! How incredible is that? Whenever I find myself comparing ("OMG she's in Italy, again?! I haven't even left the couch today..."), I remind myself that I get to be friends with people who do cool shit. I get to be friends with women who OWN their own businesses. I get to see my friends make mini versions of themselves. I get to watch my friends fall in love and challenge themselves professionally. I often remind myself that we all bring different things to the table, each of us has our own "signature dish" if you will. As much as I love pizza, if all my friends bought pizza to the table - we wouldn't have a side salad, a fruit dish, or best of all, dessert. You can't compare pizza and salad - so why should I compare myself to others? We're incredibly different, and yet, we balance each other out.
Life comes at your fast sometimes, and we all are here just kind of orbiting around each other for a very finite amount of time. We tend to forget that we are not guaranteed a certain amount of time here, that tomorrow is just a word, and not a promise. We get stuck in this pattern of just going through life trying to check-off our to-do lists, gain the approval of those around us, and simply make it through another day. When life should be celebrated, life should be joyful, life should be...vibrant. Not every day is going to be the best, not every week is going to feel electric, I mean, we are human and shit does happen. But allow yourself to feel the feels and ride through the emotions, and remember we are not guaranteed anything in life. The last three years taught us that. Nothing is guaranteed - not toilet paper at the store, not your job, and definitely not your tomorrows. So this is a gentle reminder to myself, and to you if you are looking for a little encouragement, to do the things that make you happy. In whatever way, shape or form - do the things that bring you joy, and warm your soul.
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| Lennon & Harlow in a rare moment of smooshy sweetness. |
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